The Audience Participation Blog Post

After contemplating the “showbiz” section of a certain newspaper today, I’ve decided to update my “over the side list”.  This is essentially the list of celebrities that The Chief Doris has authorised a one off bone for.  Now you all have one of these, even if your other half doesn’t know it.  However, to keep the purity of it, you have to agree on a few principles, because without principles, you have anarchy.  If you have anarchy, everyone has to dress like the Sex Pistols, who were possibly the fucking ugliest fuckers ever to exist, anywhere. 

Rule 1, it’s got to be celebrities.  If you just put any old fucker down, you’re basically mugging off your Doris, and Justin Bieber doesn’t like it.

Rule 2, there can be only 5.  Otherwise you’re mugging off the top 5, and they ain’t gonna shag you after that.  That’s just good manners.

Rule 3, they have to be hot.  Otherwise you’re mugging off yourself.  Because dodgy choices should go on the “guilty pleasure” list (see below).

Anyway, here’s mine:-

1.)  Sophia Bush.  She’s that Doris from One Tree hill.  I appreciate watching One Tree Hill may suggest that I don’t deserve to have a penis.  But it’s my list, and you’ll be jealous when we inevitably get trapped in a lift together, during the zombie apocalypse, and she get’s a bit horny and that.

2.)  Anniston.  So sexy she didn’t even have to merge her name with Brad, to get people to notice her.  Like a fine wine.

3.)  Mila Jovovich.  See, they made you think she represented the 5th Element: love (in the film of the same name).  However the hidden meaning was; the thing that saved the world was smoking hot chicks.

4.)  Cheryl Tweedy.  She ain’t married to him, so I’m not using his name.  It’s actually unfair to other women to be so sexy in one go.  Personally I find it offensive.  But, I still spend every autumn saturday night, hoping for a cheeky nip slip.

5.)   Spears.  Mainly because I reckon she’s a bit dirty, and will be more willing to enter into the spirit of “the over the side list”.

So that’s it.  Girls 1 - 5 if you ever drop by the Beard Blog, know this:  the above list is subject to change at a moments notice, so don’t be late to the party.  You might find yourself having been bumped for Katrina Bowden.  

After all, none of you are getting any younger (‘cept for you Anniston, you’ve possibly done a deal with Satan).

Please let me know what you think.  Post a comment and tell me what your “over the side list” looks like, both boys and girls. 

An the guilty pleasure list  (shhhhh.....):-

1.)  Nigella Lawson.

2.)  Helen Mirren.

3.)  The ginger one from Girls Aloud.

4.)  Sarah Beeny.

5.)  Lady Gaga (does that make me bisexual?)