The World and It's fake Fanny

The rioting has led me to think about all the things wrong with our country, and why The Jeremy Kyle contestants always seem to outnumber the “Real” people.

I couldn’t help but think back to a couple of weeks ago and a story I read in “generic housewife weekly”.  I have put it on Twitter before, but hey, given the circumstances, I thought I might rip the arse out of it, once again.  It encapsulates all that is wrong about the country and proves the existence of The Underclass.

The story involves a young lady who is in the midst of a visit from “Aunty Flo”, or as I like to say, she’s on the blob.  She sticks in a cheeky tampon, and then yes you guessed it; she forgot it was in there.  I’m not talking for an hour or so, I’m talking for 3 fucking days.  3 days.  

Just run that through your mind again.  Sit in a darkened room on your own and say this phrase “she forgot she had inserted a tampon into her fanny, for 3 days”  say it over and over until it sinks in.  Yeah, thats fucked up.

What would you have to do to realise it was still in there?  Go to the toilet, be in a car seat, go horse riding,  be on a fucking bucking Bronco?

No!!! she has to collapse from blood poisoning and be interviewed by several medical staff before she thinks “fuck me, I’ve left me fucking minge mouse in for 3 days”

The nurses pull it out and it smells like she’s got a boiled corpse in her clout.  Even worse; she’s so far gone, her fanny has completely rotted away, she has to have it cut out and replaced with a styrafoam cup.  The nicest thing that happens is that she finds a nice fella, who has presumably given his penis to medical science, and doesn’t care that she can’t have sex.

She’s so delighted with the story she sells it to “Angry Feminist Monthly” for £500.  That’s £500, Sterling, in exchange for her dignity.  Which makes it even more stupid, as we all know Sterling is fucked, which is in stark contrast to her fake fanny.