I was considering the world at large today, and thought that there are a few myths, and stupid questions, that just don’t make sense. Several of them have been pushed in my face recently, so I’m gonna kill them all, as follows:-
Q: How do snow plough drivers get to work? A: They go in their snow ploughs, duh!
Q: Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? A: same reason you wash your hands when you haven’t pissed on your fingers - for appearance sake.
Q: Can the government take %20 off the police budget, and still keep the same numbers of police on the street? A: No - Their biggest cost is wages.....so just no.
Q: If a tree falls in the forest and there’s noone there to hear it, does it make a sound? A: Yes, of course it does, don’t be fucking stupid.
Q: Were the riot’s caused by coalition cuts in public spending? A: No. 2014-15 total current public spending UK forecast to be £93,700 million higher than last Labour year. Total additional state borrowing over 5 Year Coalition led Parliament: £485,000 million. Additional state borrowing added in March 2011 budget compared to June 2010 budget: £37,000 million over 4 years.
Q: Why are they called stairs inside, but steps outside? A: because you can only have steps outside.
Q: Can we lift everyone out of poverty? A: No. The widely accepted definition of poverty is having an income which is less than 60% of the national average. Therefore the very definition of poverty prevents it.
Q: What do people in China call their good plates? A: it’s still bone China plates. Bone China’s a product - not a place.
Q: Taxing the rich more will be effective? A: No. According to the IFS (Institute for fiscal studies), a 50p tax rate is counter productive, and should never have been more than 40p. Otherwise the revenue falls accordingly.
Q: Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it? A: because stars are really fucking hot.
Q: Was poverty at the root of the riots? A: I’ll pretend I didn’t see all the designer tracksuits running around with HD ready TVs in their arms, then.
Q: Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? A: because it wouldn’t be “goofy” if he didn’t (think it through).
Q: Should action be taken to close the gap between rich and poor. A: only if it’s actually beneficial to all. For example, infant mortality rate for the well off is at 3 per capita, for the less well off; 6. So twice as good to be in the “well off” bracket. If infant mortality rates improved by 1 overall, this would be a ratio of 2:5. Both sides would be better off, but the gap has widened, statistically. It’s not good shortening the gap, if we all end up worse off.
Q: What colour would a smurf turn if you choked it? A: it’s still blue. It’s still fucking blue, there are loads of different shades of blue, so its still blue. And also.....they ain’t real so you can’t choke them at all.
Q: Why does everything taste like chicken? A: it doesn’t. You either imagined it, or you are just eating chicken.
Shit, I seemed to have strayed back onto the riots thing again, and I thought I’d got over it.
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